Melilyn.com

Okay, one of those deeper posts. You have been warned. But I swear this one is important, so read it.

Right now, I feel like… well, like life is a series. Like the narnia
series, or the baby sitter’s club series (haha, I used to love
those…). Lots of times in life we end a chapter and start a new one,
but every once in a while we end and entire book and have to open up a
new one. Kind of abstract, but this is really how I am feeling right
now. A couple of times within the past couple years I have started a
new chapter, but now that I’m headed off to college, I feel like I am
about to close this book and move on to another. And because of this,
I’m doing this more than symbolically in a number of places. I started
a new journal this week. I’ve been changing a lot of things in my life.
And one of the things I think I am changing is xanga. Yep, you heard me
right. I don’t think I’m going to keep it up any longer than a few more
weeks. Some of you I only am able to keep up with over xanga; I’m
really hoping we can email more. However, I’m still going to be
“blogging.”  I just don’t want to update just for the sake of
updating.

And so you can find me here now: http://melanielynne.blogspot.com.
There you can, if you really want to, pick up the next book of my life
and read along as it is written. It’s a bit different than xanga; you
have to bookmark it if you want to subscribe, and anyone can comment,
not just if you have an account. Because I really want you guys to
follow. And I may still have an account for commenting.

But I want you guys to know that so many of you are valuable to my
daily life and I still want to be in contact with you… though just as
I started a new notebook for my journal, I’d like to start new here too.

Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing. But I’m good at that.

—

Anyhow, while I’m on the subject, I want to share these lyrics. It’s a
Nicole C. Mullen song called “Butterfly,” and most of this song really
shows how I’m feeling at this stage of my life. And the rest of it…
well, I hope it comes true someday.

Not yet a woman and certainly not a child
But I was caught somewhere in the middle
On that one Friday afternoon
And I, I remember mama saying, “It’s time for you to go
Go out on and change the world and become
All that you have dreamed of”
And as the tears that she was crying
Fell from her face and shoulders she said
“Don’t forget who you are child, where you
Come from, where you’re goin’
‘Cause I’m always gonna be here for you
Fighting in your corner
So with every bow you take
Take one for those that came before you”

(Chorus)

Yeah, see the layout? It was inspired by a song I’ve been listening to recently, and I’d like to share the lyrics with you. But before I say it, I’d like to share something a close friend of mine shared with me in a letter just yesterday. She was saying about how everyone has this box with beautiful paper and ribbons that they get to open someday, like finding your husband. And if we open it too early, we’re just going to find a crawly little caterpillar. But if we wait until exactly the right time, we’re going to open this beautiful package to find what she called a “beautifully handsome, Torah-learned, spiritually-stable flying, the confidence to lead a family, the knowledge and skill to provide…” butterfly!!

And so with that said.

Not yet a woman and certainly not a child
But I was caught somewhere in the middle
On that one Friday afternoon
And I, I remember mama saying, “It’s time for you to go
Go out on and change the world and become
All that you have dreamed of”
And as the tears that she was crying
Fell from her face and shoulders she said
“Don’t forget who you are child, where you
Come from, where you’re goin’
‘Cause I’m always gonna be here for you
Fighting in your corner
So with every bow you take
Take one for those that came before you”

(Chorus)
Fly, Fly Butterfly Fly
Stand upon these two shoulders of mine
Spread those wings of yours and fly

Now I’m a woman and I’ve got a child
And I can’t believe the day’s gonna come
When she tells me that it’s time to soar
And I don’t know what I’m gonna do
Not sure what I’m gonna tell her
Maybe don’t forget who you are child
Where you come from, where you’re going
‘Cause I’m always gonna be here for you
Fighting in your corner
So with every bow you take
Take one for those that came before ya

(Chorus)

There is something sacred
About the letting go of those we want to hold
So tightly to, but somehow we know
They must move on
On for those who have a dream to make our future better
And on for those who will earn their wings
In spite of wind and weather
You tell ‘em love is waiting there
Forever in their corner
So with every bow they take
They’ll take one for those that came before them

(Chorus)

Tegan and Mom and I watched a movie called “Kate and Leopold” this
afternoon… and I just LOVED it. If you haven’t seen it, the basic
storyline is about the Duke of Albany coming out of the year 1876 in
New York City and ending up in New York City, year 2001. The duke,
Leopold, is this old fashioned, nineteenth century gentleman, and he
ends up meeting this girl named Kate, who is a tough businesswoman,
very modern, etc. And it just amazes me how much guys USED to be
gentlemen without even THINKING about it! I mean, kudos to the guys at
camp, but this is like, twenty-four seven, all of the time. They stood
when a lady got up from the table, they ALWAYS opened doors and pulled
out chairs, they always “stated their intentions in writing” before
courting (ahh, so nice to hear that word outside of our small Messianic
circle!!), they asked the father, or if he wasn’t available, the
brother, for permission to court… my GOODNESS, sometimes I wish we
could go back. Mom and I were joking around, saying that we were going
to import young men from 1876 from the Jewish section of the city…
LOL!

Other than that, (*sigh*), normal day. Mom actually remembered to let
me drive to the library this time, and I angle-parked twice without
killing anyone. Just slightly off. And after I angle parked outside of
the supermarket and Mom went inside, it all hit me. About how, this
time next month, I’m going to be a full-time college student. By this
time next month I will have had my liscense for at LEAST a week (and
now, I’m not quite sure if it’s possible… learning to drive when
you’re a perfectionist is TOUGH.)… I still have to get my funds from
my grandfather and get him to bring the car down… and then it hit me
even more, if that’s possible. I mean, the first year of my college
life I will have my trust fund to carry me… a car that my grandfather
is giving me along with insuring for a year… so a year from now, I’m
going to be dealing with funds for college as well as picking up the
insurance… all with a part-time job while I push my way through
college…

I don’t know if I told you about a dream I had a little over a week
ago, but the images really stuck with me. I mean, I only remember a
brief moment of this dream, but as I said… it just hit home. I was
standing at the edge of a cliff. Around me on this cliff were these
huge rocks, almost like walls, and on these rocks there were posters.
Posters, just, everywhere. Posters of rockstars, of high schools, of
fashion trends, of guys, of girls, of… well, all of the “teenage”
issues. Things that teenagers worry about. And I remember looking over
the edge of this cliff. Down below, SO far down that to fall down would
seriously injure you at the very least, I remember seeing the golden
arches waaaay down there through the mist. And then, at the other end
of this canyon or whatever it was, there was another cliff, lower down,
and I could see billboards on the far side. Billboards of cars, of
careers, of colleges, of families… all “adult” issues. If any of you
have ever seen the movie “Bug’s Life”, it was a lot like the riverbed
that Flik flew across on a dandelion seed. ‘Nough said.

And seriously, that’s all I remember, the setting, but it really really
stuck with me. I take it as this flight I have to take, beginning from
the cliff of being a teenager and ending up over in “adulthood”. And if
I try to fly and fail, I’ll end up at the bottom of this ravine,
populated (ironically) with burger-flipping college dropouts. And it’s
this incredible feeling of having to fly, of having to TRY to glide
across to the other side… and either I’ll fail and fall to the
bottom, or I’ll be able to fly across.

And as I was drifting off to sleep the other night, a third alternative
came to mind. That I could leap off with all of my might, glide as far
as I can, and hope and trust that Someone will carry me on His wings to
the far side.

Of course, that doesn’t sound very practical when faced with enrollment
applications and housing options, but it’
ll have to suffice. Because I
know no knight in shining armor is going to come down with HIS glider
and help me along. I’ve fairly given up on that, to be honest. I’ll
just have to leap. And pray.

And so that’s the thoughts in my head today. Not really connected, unless you use your imagination. Humph.